oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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