This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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