One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
