The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm really busy with my period
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