I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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