so that wasnt chicken after all
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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