I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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