my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
