sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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