***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
