Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
this just has baby written all over it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
