First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize