The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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