i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
