Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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