Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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