All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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