96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
