spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize