Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
