In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
