I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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