Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
honey bunches of taint.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
