Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
