I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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