I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
