I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
