Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
