you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize