Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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