can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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