but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
