Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
