he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
