do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
