So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
