Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
