My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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