My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
