Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
