i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
