remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
