Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
