Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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