god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize