Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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