i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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