if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
His nipple licking is glorious
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
