i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
