I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize