Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
