If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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