Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
