Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
