why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
