Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
