I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
