I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
