if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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