She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
