I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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