4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
did you get engaged???
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
