And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize