the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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