Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
