I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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