I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
